"I was constantly being dragged out of movies for laughing too loud." — Neil Simon, American playwright, born 1927
"I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It's chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one." — Paul Simon, American singer, born 1941
"Hello darkness my old friend I’ve come to talk with you again." — Paul Simon, American singer, born 1941
"Then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right, there must be fifty ways to leave your lover." — Paul Simon, American singer, born 1941
"When I first heard Elvis perform Bridge Over Trouble Water, it was unbelievable, and I thought to myself, how the hell can I compete with that?" — Paul Simon, American singer, born 1941
"Sometimes I sound like gravel, and sometimes I sound like coffee and cream." — Nina Simone, American singer, born 1933
"This may be a dream, but I'll say it anyway: I was supposed to be married last year, and I bought a gown. When I meet Nelson Mandela, I shall put on this gown and have the train of it removed and put aside, and kiss the ground that he walks on and then kiss his feet." — Nina Simone, American singer, born 1933
"Slavery has never been abolished from America's way of thinking." — Nina Simone, American singer, born 1933
"Don't let Krusty's death get you down boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, goodnight." — Nancy Cartwright, American voice actress, born 1957
"Since September 11, security has been increased everywhere, and we have new IDs to get on to the Fox lot. I drove to the security gate, but realized I'd left my ID in my other car. I just broke into that voice - 'Hey, man, I'm Bart Simpson. Who else sounds like this?' The guard waved me through." — Nancy Cartwright, American voice actress, born 1957
"Adding 'just kidding' doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal." — Nancy Cartwright, American voice actress, born 1957
"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: Never try." — The Simpsons, First episode, aired 1989